Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

My birthmother is on Facebook!

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

I just discovered my birthmother is on Facebook. I was playing Farmville and handing out gifts, when her name came up in the gifting window. I was shocked and I really shouldn’t have been.

She hasn’t talked to me in a few years… she searched for me when I was 21… having an agency contact my adoptive parents and disrupting our lives. Now she doesn’t contact me here on Facebook. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she didn’t know I was on Facebook, but not to contact me for over two years… good thing I have really fantastic ‘adoptive’ parents! I really don’t need her, but I’ll contact her and extend the olive branch.

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It’s been a week since Keith has been gone…

Monday, February 7th, 2011

Keith has been gone a week, he gets back on Saturday. I’ve missed him and I haven’t been sleeping. I guess when you sleep next to someone for nearly 20 years, you really really know when he isn’t there. There have been times that I have been up all night and have played on the computer and just have not wanted to go to bed, because I know I’ll lay there… even though the TV is right there…

Things haven’t been all rosy, though. It took Keith almost a week before he called me. Then we sat on the phone trying to get the TV to work – which is fun when I’m not technically inclined and Keith is 2000 miles away and trying to picture what I’m doing with what remote (we have 6 remotes for our entertainment system). I hadn’t used it the entire time he was gone (I don’t watch TV normally, and one of our machines (the DVD or the CD or Satellite) was recording something and the menu was in the middle of the screen and I couldn’t figure out how to cancel the stupid box off the screen. FINALLY, I got it figured out. I haven’t been back to watching TV though. I am usually out in the living room on our main computer on Facebook, or on the Internet doing something – and I’m not used to watching TV because Keith takes over the TV when he’s home anyway.

The next night Keith called back and we talked for 3 hours when the Internet was down (for some reason our ISP was down in the ENTIRE state of Washington), but we had a good talk. I hope we can continue these talks when he gets home.

The last time Keith was away from home, he was away for a month. His parents showed up every day and basically drove me nuts. They meant well, but checking up on me every day was very smothering. I love Keith’s parents dearly, but having his mom call and show up just drove me up no matter if I needed anything or not, put a strain on our relationship, that I really couldn’t let her see. So, I swallowed my grievences, and said nothing. This time, they aren’t calling every day or coming over unless I need something and it’s been great. Things are a lot less strained and our relationship is great.

One thing Keith HAS been doing is Facebook updates – with lots of pictures of the things at the Smithsonian, where he’s practically lived, it seemed. I love the updates. Tells me what my husband has been up to, and I don’t have to ask him what he’s been doing, and the pictures give us something to talk about.

Alone for Two Weeks

Friday, February 4th, 2011

My husband, Keith, has to go to Washington DC for two weeks. The company he works for National Cash Register (NCR), fired 12 technicians and to replace them, they are flying in other technicians, like my husband, from other parts of the country. THAT makes sense, NOT! Well, so he’s in DC right now, and will be until December 13th.

It’s kinda scary being alone. I haven’t been alone since he got the job with NCR and he spent a month in Dayton, OH for training. His parents showed up every day to check up on me and it was very smothering. It was nice that they were so concerned, but very very irritating in other respects. THIS time, however, they haven’t stopped by to check on me every day, nor have they called. It’s been great.

Except for one thing. Keith hasn’t kept in contact like he promised he would. He hasn’t called. He hasn’t emailed. We both have smartphones that are logged onto the internet 24/7, and I at least thought I’d get a quick note once a day telling me how he’s doing. Instead I have to follow his status on Facebook.

While it’s been refreshing to be alone for this time, I’m irritated that he’s not kept in contact, even to say “hi” or “I love you” in short messages or emails. Yes, I’m venting… but that’s what this blog is for… for me to express myself. So, what if he sees it… maybe it’ll knock some sense in his skull and he’ll get on the phone and call me or email me and remember he has a wife on the other coast.

It looks like he’s having a lot of fun, with I do NOT begrudge him in the least. I just want a nightly call to say ‘hi’ and to catch up on events and an “I love you”. Is that too much to ask? You wouldn’t think so… especially since he could tell me what he did that day, and he’d have things to talk about… but no, I haven’t heard from him except to tell me a co-worker was coming over to get some parts out of his work van… except the co-worker called me BEFORE Keith did, to tell me he was coming over. ARGH!

I haven’t slept for two days… this is NOT a good thing. Right now it’s 1:40am, on day 2 of not sleeping. I have an appointment on the 16th of this month for a preliminary sleep study testing for C-PAP. I KNOW I’ll be on C-PAP from previous testing, but I switched facilities (this one is closer to home), so they have to redo some of the tests. In the previous study, I guess I stopped breathing 16 or more times and that’s right in the middle of where you need to be to be considered for C-PAP. I got put on C-PAP within the first hour, and I was supposed to go back to do a second night to determine if I needed to do B-PAP (bi-level), but I haven’t had the schedule for it). I KNOW I’ll be on C-PAP. Don’t know about the B-PAP. Same machine, programming is different. It’ll be nice to actually get a full night’s sleep, although, Keith is worried the machine will be too noisy for him to fall asleep. We shall see.

As for me, I have problems dressing due to extreme spasticity, and Keith has been helping me with that for years, well, I’ve been able to get dressed with some major difficulties, mostly where my slippers come in. I don’t wear shoes right now due to the condition of my feet, but I hope to change that in the next month or so, and get special orthopedic shoes if the friend that does that type of work would answer his email!

Well, it’s late, and I need to see if I can get some sleep. So, it’s back to waiting to see if Keith will actually call me. Married almost 20 years, and I’m being ignored. I don’t ask for much, just a nightly call to hear what he did that day… and how he’s doing… and a “I love you”. Is that too much to ask?

(Okay, granted,.he left for DC on Saturday, January 30th, and I totally spaced on the blog, so the title is a bit of a misnomer. He’ll be home on the 13th of February.)

Good-bye 2010, Hello 2011!

Sunday, January 23rd, 2011

[Something that I meant to post on New Years Eve and it never got posted]

It’s December 31st and as I sit here and contemplate the last year (or my navel), depending on your point of view, I find that I have some thoughts to put down from what happened over the last year.

First of all, I decided to go back to school and get my degree. I was pretty excited about the whole thing as it was going to be totally online and would give me some validity in the disabled and business community as I tried to get businesses to comply with the ADA as I’d have my Associates Degree. I gathered my paperwork and was set to start school on January 2nd. New year, new project, as I haven’t been in school for nearly 30 years. Then the brakes got applied. Keith, my husband of nearly 20 years, did NOT want me to go back to school. I could not talk him out of it. There was no reason for it he said, and so I’m not going back to school, for now. I fully plan to try again for next year, but with the budgets being cut, I doubt the financial aid will be there next year. We shall see. I tried to get Keith to see that after I got my degree I could make some serious money getting businesses to be ADA compliant, but he wouldn’t listen. He doesn’t think I’ll be able to recoup the costs of school, which would be a student loan to cover what Federal grants did not cover in my Financial Aid package. About $19,000.

Got me thinking that maybe he doesn’t want me independent, that he wants me as helpless as possible. Even though he complains every day when he helps me get dressed (pants and shoes only) and has to help me with other daily living things.

Our house is a mess (think the TV show Hoarders), and he won’t help clean it up. I do have a plan to clean it up this next year. Check back here for more on that.

I have sleep apnea, and I went through one night of a sleep study and within the first 2 hours I was put on C-PAP, and I need to do the 2nd night and see if I need to go on B-PAP, which is for Bi-Level. We’ll see how it goes. I hope to get it done soon, as I do not sleep well at all, since I do stop breathing. While on CPAP during that test, I guess I basically passed out, since I could BREATHE. The machine is noisy, tho. And expensive, and we waited too long, and my insurance isn’t as good next year as it was this year. Instead of 100%, it’s 20% co-insurance… nothing I can do about that… stupid insurance companies.

I’m not sure how this is going to work, but we’ll have to pay for it… or *I* will have to pay for it I’m sure it’s pretty expensive. I haven’t done that much research on it… I plan to correct that oversight in the next few days.

Going to the Inlaws

Friday, December 24th, 2010

It’s that time of the year again… and for the 2nd time, I’m going to my Father-in-laws for the holidays, and leaving Chewbacca, my service dog, in our van. His wife, Cheri, is deathly afraid of dogs, and will not have my service dog in her house. This all started when Kent married Cheri, and we bought Gillis over to their house – he was a puppy. Smaller than their dog. Gillis was well behaved, but I guess Cheri freaked out after I left and I couldn’t bring my dog over there anymore. So I didn’t go over there at all – Keith went alone, because I refused to leave my service dog at home. No way was I going to leave Gillis at home. Keith’s father refused to get Cheri medical help for her fear and I just can’t take it… it’s been 19 years, and frankly, it’s like a festering wound. untreated. How can you ignore such a thing?

And then last year, I relented, and took Chewie over there, and left him in the van while I spent a few hours with the family. There were a few comments. I almost left. If there are comments this year, I will leave. They just don’t understand. Chewie doesn’t do anything for me all the time. same with Gillis. You have to live with me to see what my service dog does for me.

Now, in a few hours, I’m going over there, and leaving Chewbacca in our van. Chewie won’t mind… he’ll sleep. He’s not like Gillis. He will just sleep in the back of the van and enjoy it, once he gets over the fact that he’s not coming in with me. He is attached to me, and does know what his job is, but once I leave him in the van, he’s okay with that. Gillis I couldn’t do that. Gillis was so attached, he’d go nuts being left in the van alone. Chewie is fine with it.

I still believe it’s wrong, but I guess I’ve mellowed in 19 years of marriage, I just wish Cheri would get help for her fear… why do *I* have to be the one to give on this? What does she do when she meets a dog in public? Scream and the dog goes away? I haven’t ever had the courage to ask.

It’s only a few hours… I’ll survive. I just wish it wasn’t a problem that is ignored, though. I wish she would get help… it’s like it’s shoved under the table. The inlaws have a dog, but it’s not the same. It’s not a BIG dog… so it’s okay. Yeah, sure it is. And the dog is uncontrollable. No discipline at all. But the family ignores that, but MY dog has to be perfect… at least when around the FIL and around Keith. *sigh* Double standard, that’s what it is.

It’s going to be a Hell of a Weekend!

Friday, December 17th, 2010

I am in constant pain due to Cerebral Palsy. All the muscles in my body are pulling against each other and causing all this high-end pain. I take prescription narcotics to deal with it, as well as having an implanted intrathical drug pump to handle the spasticity that also comes from the Cerebral Palsy.

I ran out of meds yesterday. That was okay, or so I thought, ’cause I had a doctor appointment, where I’d get refills. Not this time. My doctor called in sick. The office, SAID they called and left a message, but I certainly didn’t get it. Arrived there at 10:30am and found the door locked. Called into the office, and found that my doctor was out sick. I was VERY not pleased. Less pleased, because my doctor (who I shall not name because I am a nice person, even though I really really want to), said he won’t do that, even though I have an appointment for Monday, and I could not find a way to get to his ofice today. ParaTransit requires at least 24 hours notice, a family member blew me off, saying he/she had a chat they needed to attend.

I am LIVID. The doctor would not write a prescription for SIX pills to get me through the weekend, so that I could see him on Monday. I have an appointment. I have been a patient for several years. I have never abused my drug prescriptions before. But, because it was morphine, a controlled substance, they couldn’t write the prescription without seeing me, or so I was told. HOWEVER, I was not called back after asking for a prescription of six pills right away so I couldn’t get a ride to an appointment in the afternoon. By the time I called back to the doctor’s office to see what was up, it was too late, and they didn’t have any appointments anymore.

And this family member couldn’t take 2 hours out of his day to help me. Instead he had to “chat” with someone. He’s unemployed, and living with his mother. Irresponsible. And I never will ask him for anything again. Too bad I have to spend Christmas with him.

So, now, I”m without medications until Monday, and it’s Friday. I forsee a long weekend on Facebook, and it’s a good thing Keith will be at work. I will probably absence myself from chat, just so I will spare my friends, but I would love to have someone to lean on, because I certainly can’t do that with even my husband, as he’ll agree with his brother.

Family will all and all that.

Here’s hoping I survive until Monday. I am going to exist, at best.

A Pain In The Knees

Monday, October 11th, 2010

For several years now, I have had pain in my knees caused by the tendons pulling the patella (kneecap) off center. Well, today, I am getting the nerves that cause the pain frozen and killed, thereby removing the source of the pain.

Am I scared? Yes. This is done without pain meds. I will be lightly sedated, but no pain meds. I don’t know how aware I will be. I have had cordizone injected into my knees and that kills the pain for the short term. Like the procedure today, the University of Washington Medical Center for Pain Relief won’t be numbing the skin first, they will just do it, but I will be sedated.

Because of the sedation, I haven’t been able to have anything to eat or drink for six hours before the procedure which takes place around 12:15pm.

I always knew the name, Center for Pain Relief was a misnomer. Sheesh. Anyway, if you’re the type to pray, please do. Pray that I am calm during this… I had heard that I will be in pain for 4-6 weeks after the procedure and then it’ll work and I’ll be pain free for 8-24 months and then we’ll have to do it again.

I will update everyone when I am able. If you are reading this on Facebook. Watch for Keith Marshall’s updates.

Service Dogs go everywhere with you!

Friday, September 17th, 2010

Or “Service Dogs and Family”

Just got a phone call from my Mother In Law (MIL), who is taking me to my appointment at the University of Washington Center for Pain Relief. She called to ask if Chewie was coming with us. Chewie being Chewbacca, my Bovier/GSD Service Dog. I told her yes, Chewie was coming with us.

I just have to shake my head when I think about this question coming from my MIL. I have been married for 19 years. I have been using service dogs for EIGHTEEN years. In all those years, the only time that my dog has never gone with me is if me is if my dog is ill, or if I’m going into a facility where it’s a bad idea to have a service dog (hospital (and Chewie has gone with me but gone home with Keith) (MRI (and again gone there with me, but not gone into the actual procedure room)) and I can’t think of any others off the top of my head. And if Chewie has been with me, but can’t be actually WITH me during the procedure, then Keith has been the one that has taken care of him, not my inlaws.

It’s not that my inlaws don’t understand the law, they DO, but they actually, have never seen Chewie do anything for me. He helps me get up off the floor and I tend to only fall at home, and he helps me transfer to/from my wheelchair to another chair and the bed, and transfer to the car. Since we pretty much use our lift-equipped van 99% of the time, and Chewie can’t help me get up into that, he isn’t used for that.

I guess today, when I get into my MIL’s car, I will make sure and ‘use’ Chewie to get into and out of her car.

There’s also the issue of no backpack on Chewie right now. I need to get one of the clips replaced. One of the clips that hooks on the belly straps is missing, and until it is replaced, I can’t use the backpack. Chewie carries things for me, but he can’t do that, unless he’s wearing a backpack. I will have to make sure and get his backpack fixed in the next few days, and get Chewie used to being ‘dressed’ again.

Being ‘undressed’ has also screwed up what Chewie perceives as work. He doesn’t behave as well for Keith as he does for me because Keith lets him get away with things and his behavior in public places has suffered.

Buyer Beware

Tuesday, August 31st, 2010

Is it just me, or am I being too sensative? Keith brought a HD TV yesterday from Goodwill, but before we could even bring it home, noticed on the Internet, that it has MAJOR problems, which includes a recall of the TV. But is he going to take info down there as he tries to get his money back? NO! He’s going to TALK to them, when their policies are CREDIT ONLY. I told him to print some things out, but he refused. I say he’s going to look foolish without some documentation, he said it’s just people talking, and won’t mean a thing. I think some documentation is better than nothing. Opinions?

2010.07.29

Thursday, July 29th, 2010

Looks like a Stardate doesn’t it? Well, I really couldn’t think of a title, and I haven’t really kept up the blog, something I’m having to train myself to do, as I know people ARE reading it. Things have been a little crazy around here since Chewie is home. He’s a mess. He’s licked himself hairless behind the tail and on his hind legs. He’s going to the vet on Saturday, and I hope the hair will grow back. I’m pretty sure it was nerves. He had to be put in a muzzle 24/7 except for when he was eating and drinking. He doesn’t do that here. He spends all his time in the bathroom sleeping, or laying behind my wheelchair.

Now there’s a difference since he’s come home. Usually when he went outside. He’d spend HOURS outside, barking at the other dogs and such. Now he just goes outside, does his business and wants back in. He is also sleeping in MY bathroom quite a bit. He still spends time in Keith’s bathroom, but I’ve noticed he spends most of his time in my bathroom, which is different. I think he’s happy to be home. He doesn’t really bark when someone comes to the door, but we’re working on that. I WANT him to bark. I don’t know if Mike told him not to bark, but he hasn’t barked since he’s been here.

I hope his hair loss isn’t permanent. I liked his coat. I know it’s just nervious llicking and he’s not doing much of it here. A ‘leave it’ and he stops, if he’s doing it at all. And he’s only doing a tiny bit. I guess I now know that I can’t get rid of him. Keith wants to take him to the pound. But I doubt anyone will want to adopt him. He couldn’t handle Mike’s house, and he was a friend. How is he going to handle a total stranger? Mike bent over backwards to deal with Chewie’s quirks, a stranger won’t do that.

I just hope Chewie can accept a new dog and that I can teach him that he can stay at home and not pee and poop in the house. He’s done that twice now… we were home both times, but it was nerves. Luckily, he chose to do the ‘dirty deed’ on the kitchen floor so it was easy to clean up. I just don’t know what I’m going to do when I want to go somewhere as Chewie isn’t a service dog anymore. By my choice.